It may be the end for Jolt Cola, namesake of the Jolt Awards

Jolt Cola may be gone forever from supermarket shelves. Fortunately, I've got quite a few hypercaffeinated bottles stashed away.

Jolt Cola is the mascot of the Jolt Awards, which originated at Miller Freeman's Computer Language Magazine in 1990. (I was one of the founders of the awards, and served as a Jolt Judge for many years.) Sadly, the Jolt Awards are currently adrift without a publication or a conference to anchor them, and I'm worried that the 2009 Jolt Awards may be the last.

You can read the history of the Jolt Awards, as written by J.D. Hildebrand. There's even a sidebar by yours truly about the award's namesake soft drink.

But now, as Matthew Daneman wrote on Oct. 29 for the Democrat & Chronicle, a web-based newspaper covering the Rochester, N.Y., area, "Fizzling Jolt Cola may close":

The heavily caffeinated cola introduced 24 years ago became a popular culture phenomenon and still was available at thousands of retailers in North America and Europe until earlier this year. But Pittsford-based Jolt Co. Inc. now seems likely to close, according to an attorney for the company, after a contentious attempt at reorganizing fell apart earlier this week.

The demise of Jolt would be a shame. While I rarely drink Jolt Cola any more (too much sugar, too much caffeine for my tastes these days), the drink will always have a special place in my too-rapidly pounding heart.

Definitely not the target market

It's a given that spammers don't put a lot of effort into filtering their lists to ensure that their marketing messages reach a specific target audience.

Thus, the subject line on a spam received today by my friend Andrew:

Did you suffer a Gallbladder injury while using Birth Control?

The Windows Name Game

Today is Windows 7 Day. What better way to celebrate than to remember the two Windows desktop genealogies?

Let's begin with the long-forgotten family that started out as a graphical shell for DOS:

Windows 1.0
Windows 2.0
Windows 3.0
Windows 3.1
Windows 3.11
Windows for Workgroups 3.11
Windows 95
Windows 98
Windows Millennium Edition (Windows Me)

Then there's the "New Technology" family, based on a non-DOS bootloader:

Windows NT 3.1
Windows NT 3.5
Windows NT 4.0
Windows 2000
Windows XP
Windows Vista
Windows 7

What will come next?

"My product supports Windows 7" is not news

Attention PR and marketing professionals: An announcement that your Windows products support Windows 7 is not news.

It's fairly safe to assume that every company with Windows desktop products is making darned sure that those products run on Windows 7.

The fact that your specific product runs on Windows 7 on Day 1 is not newsworthy. I'm honestly glad that it does: That's good for your business, and good for your customers. But unless there's some special circumstance, it's not a news story.

What would be news?

Let me know if your Windows products do not run on Windows 7, and that you have no intention of making your Windows products run on Windows 7. That might be a news story.

Thank you for listening. And have a nice day.

iPhone App to Serve Up Chicken Wings

This is one iPhone app that I won't be purchasing, even for 99 cents. But I got a laugh from the press release.

Subj: iPhone App to Serve Up Chicken Wings

What's everyone Kluckin' about?

NEW YORK, Oct. 22 /PRNewswire/ -- Kluckr Communications announces today the launch of an iPhone app that will appeal to the tastes of chicken wing connoisseurs nationwide. Kluckr, the hot new app that rates, reviews, and locates wing joints based upon the consumers' demands is off to a spicy start.

For $.99, what exactly can Kluckr do for you?

-- LOCATE: Find the closest Wing location in just one click
-- KLUKR-ATE: Rate and review favorite Wing joints
-- KLUCKR TIME: Organize a wing-ding of a party
-- KLUCKR BUCKS: Pass along the app or review a wing location to earn points

The Kluckr app was created for a wing lover by a wing lover. "One thing you will always see guys disagree about is who has the best wings," says founding Kluckr, Mark Gilmor. "The argument starts like this: 'You know who has the best wings?' ... We based the iPhone app on that argument."

Between Monday Night Football and the World Series, the pop culture of eating chicken wings is on the rise. From major chains like Pizza Hut launching WingStreet at 3,000 of their locations and Buffalo Wild Wings being one of the fastest growing chains in the US... Wings are the craze.

With the tag line: 'For the Wing Connoisseur, by the Wing Connoisseur,' the Kluckr consumer determines a location's popularity. Features of the app can also be accessed through the online community at www.kluckr.com.

Long Live the Wing!

CONTACT: Emily Andrews, C & M Media, Emily@cmmediapr.com,
+1-646-336-1398, for Kluckr Communication; Vanessa LeBlanc, Kluckr
Communication, Vanessa@Kluckr.com, +1-347-454-4555

Where's my Tweet Me Elmo?

This year's most coveted Christmas toy should be Tweet Me Elmo. But as far as I can tell, nobody has developed one.

What would Tweet Me Elmo do? When you squeeze his furry tummy, Elmo says,

"Won't you friend me?"

"Having lots of followers is fun!"

"What are you doing right now?

"Let's count backward from 140 together!"

"It's time to play the Shorten the URL game!"

"Elmo is over capacity. Try again later."

C'mon, Sesame Street, get on the social bandwagon!

(Next year's toy, of course, would be RT Me Elmo.)

Symantec wins today's Buzzword Bingo Award

"Symantec Offers New Service Delivery Model that Helps Ensure Specific Business Outcomes"

That's the headline of a press release received today from Symantec. My hat is off to the company's marketing copywriters, whose prose is 100% buzzword compliant, but doesn't appear to say anything.

Here is the first paragraph:

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. – October 21, 2009 – Symantec Corp. (Nasdaq: SYMC) today announced the availability of a new Managed Outcome service delivery model designed to help customers better align their IT priorities with strategic business objectives to achieve measurable business outcomes. Delivered by Symantec’s Global Services organization, Managed Outcome enables customers to transform their IT environment from its current state to a desired future state while delivering on operational metrics and achieving greater efficiency and lower TCO.

Second paragraph:

The Managed Outcome model is designed around meeting agreed-upon business results based on Key Performance Indicators (KPIs). While traditional Service Level Agreements (SLAs) focus only on operational aspects, the KPIs in the Managed Outcome model are business values that IT organizations are expecting to get from solutions, such as measurable and improved security posture and data backup success rate. Symantec has begun to establish this framework with its Security Operations Management offerings, as well as Managed Backup Services and Managed Endpoint Protection Services.

The third paragraph:

“Traditionally, the vendor/customer relationship has been defined as that of a buyer and seller, with the vendor’s role limited to selling and helping with deployments,” said Ajay Nigam, vice president of product management, Symantec Global Services. “These older, more traditional customer relationships are no longer sufficient, affordable or successful in keeping up with the demands on business critical IT functions. The new Managed Outcome model provides customers with capabilities to deliver increased IT availability and system performance, while reducing IT management complexity, minimizing security risks and speeding deployment.”

It keeps going on and on like that. There's even a bullet list of key customer benefits. But benefits to what? What is it exactly that Symantec is announcing? What's new here?

According to the press release, it seems like they're saying that customers will see measurable business benefits from buying Symantec products and services. If that's right, then that's a good idea… but hasn't that allegedly been the case all along?

Symantec PR team: Great job on buzzwords and corporate doublespeak. Lousy job on communicating what the company's news actually is.

Can you trust the integrity of your data?

This afternoon, Pacific Gas & Electric Co. installed a new electric meter at our home. The SmartMeter reports its data over the powerlines – and can be remotely controlled by the utility company. Now, we’re not sure if we can trust our energy bills.

In the old days, before things were networked, possession of your data was 100% of the law. When the wheels on an old-fashioned electricity meter spun, you could tell how much power was consumed by reading the analog gauges. When you bought a book and put it onto your bookshelf, you were sure that it would say there – unless you moved it yourself, or someone broke into your home and stole it.

Now seemingly everything is connected via the Internet, cellular data networks or even power-grid networks – and you don’t have control over your own data.

Take the power meter – technically speaking, a Watt-Hour Meter. The old analog meters were basic electrical devices. No microprocessors, just motors and some circuitry. The model on our house was a Sangamo J5S, manufactured beginning in 1984. It is as simple as can be. The replacement, called a SmartMeter, is a totally computerized device. Who knows what it’s programmed to do?

Early receipients of the new SmartMeter have accused PG&E of playing games with the device. See “Customers say new PG&E meters not always smart,” in the San Francisco Chronicle.

About books – well, the books on your bookshelf are still safe, but what about your digital books? As was widely reported, Amazon.com erased books from customers’ Kindle e-book readers earlier this year. The company said that it wouldn’t do it again – but given that the devices are hooked up to a wireless data network, there’s no technological barrier from stopping Amazon.com (or a hacker) from going into your device and adding, removing or changing its contents at any time, without your permission or knowledge.

As more and more data is stored on connected systems, your ability to maintain control over that data is eroded. This applies to connected systems which are in your own home or offices, and of course, also to data stored in the Cloud. You don’t know who has access to “your” data, and who can manipulate it for their own means.

And that’s why we’re going to keep an eye on that SmartMeter… and on our utility bills.

… But that's what it says in the computer

"Sir, your reservation is correct. That's what it says in the computer," the young lady said for the fifth time, pointing at her screen.

I was at the Hertz rental desk at New York's JFK Airport on Tuesday, picking up a car for my regular trip to BZ Media's Long Island offices. The return flight is on Saturday, Oct. 17, and that's what I made the car reservation for. However, the rental ticket in the car listed the return date as Thursday, Dec. 3 — that's an eight-week rental. Oops.

Fortunately, I noticed the error before leaving the lot, and went inside the Hertz office to correct the return date. Easier said than done.

I tried explaining again. "I don't know why it says that in your computer, but it's wrong. I'm returning the car this Saturday, Oct. 17. That's what I want to do. Not December. And that's what it says on my reservation confirmation."

I again handed her the reservation confirmation — I obsessively travel with a full set of confirmation printouts from the airline, car rental service and hotel. The Hertz confirmation listed the correct return date of October 17.

She looked again at the printout, and compared it to her screen. "It's the same reservation number. The computer says you're returning the car on December 3. You're all set." She handed the paper back.

"No, no. That's not what I want…" I started again, and then caught myself. "May I speak to the manager?"

The manager came over. I handed her the confirmation sheet and the rental ticket. "Your computer is wrong," I said. "I'm returning the car on October 17, and that's what my reservation confirmation says."

She looked at the documents. The young clerk looked at her. The manager said, "Change it to an October 17 return." The clerk seemed totally confused.

The manager sighed, reached over to the computer keyboard herself, typed for a minute. The printer spit out a new rental ticket — with the correct return date, and a significantly lower rental rate than I'd originally reserved. "Here you go, sir. I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

Hurray! I'm 186! I'm 186!

Break out the bubbly! My blog, Z Trek, has made the "Top 200 Tech Blogs: The Datamation 2009 List," published on Monday.

My humble blog scored #186, with the description:

186) Z Trek: The Alan Zeichick Weblog
IT, software development, security, and networking, with a touch of humor from the Bay Area consultant-editor.

Yay, me! You can see the page with my recognition (covering 169-189) here.

I'm even more excited for my dear friend Esther Schindler, whose blog outranked mine — and deservedly so. You can see her at #112 here.

Do I pick up the award in Oslo?

(Can't believe that Z Trek beat Pogue's Posts, #190, and the Scobleizer, #200, both of which are fantastic. Wow.)